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Long and Happy Relationships 3

Finding Mr./Mrs. perfect and living together happily ever after is everybody's dream.

When I look at wedding pictures, that's exactly how it looks.

If so, how come so many are getting a divorce?

How come so many, when they get a divorce, do it in the most ugly way?

What happened to Mr./Mrs. perfect/right?

How did those two love birds turn into two strangers or, even worse, into enemies?

The reasons are - so I think - very natural; the outcome should be expected.

First, we do CHANGE over time.

Every day, each and every experience, each and every encounter adds something to our personality. We experience new experiences every day. We meet people, we talk to people, we experience success and failure, we enjoy, we get disappointed. All of these change something in our personality.

Little by little. Just a fraction. Unnoticeable. But, when those changes add up, over time, we find ourselves next to a person we feel we don't know. A person we can not be with anymore.

Second, Mr./Mrs. 'perfect' is not perfect. Nobody is. What we call perfect is a combination of 'I love his/her qualities' and 'I can live/I don't mind the flaws'. The thing is, it is very easy to get used to good things and start taking them for granted. This is part of the human nature.

With time, we don't consider the qualities as qualities anymore (since we take them for granted). All we focus on are the flaws . Since there are no qualities anymore, there is nothing to balance the 'flaws' and all of a sudden that person is impossible to live with.

These two reason are part of our human behavior. Part of our nature. The third is a result of our life style.

Back in the days, people's marriage was based on need. The man worked hard to make a living, the woman handled all the chores around the house and they both needed each other for intimacy. They needed each other very much - he brought in the cash, she cooked and took care of the house - and they appreciated each other for their respective contribution to the relationship.

Modern life style is completely different.

Relationships in modern times are not based on need. Men and women don't need each other. They both work and make money, home chores can be handled by service providers (cleaning, laundry, take out food etc.) and casual intimacy is available and easy.

People get into a relationship for the most important needs human beings have: love, affection, emotional sharing. Should be as solid as a rock...

Still, when things don't seem to work (the two reasons above...) and when they don't feel they really 'need' each other - the first option that comes to mind is to get separated or get a divorce.

The above reasons are very basic and fundamental - regardless of origin, culture, race or religion. Those reasons are relevant to all cultures in the modern world.

The above reasons seem to be very basic. Not complicated at all.

What should people do in order to preserve their relationships?

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