Long and Happy Relationships - 4
My last post claimed most of marriage differences and relationship crisis are part of a natural process and should be expected. Clearly, some couples SHOULD get a divorce. Some relationships should be terminated. I did not research it scientifically, but it makes sense that some couples - a small percentage - were not meant to be together.
It does not make any sense at all that MOST relationships are doomed to fail.
Well, if relationships crash due to natural and quite predictable reasons, shouldn't there be a way to avoid the inevitable? Is there a way to keep the relationship on the tracks of happiness, and joy and love?
I absolutely believe - yes.
The common treatment for handling marriage crisis is marriage counseling. While it is absolutely needed, when it is time for marriage counseling - that couple is very much late.
Marriage counseling is like a tow truck. Tow truck is called in AFTER the car broke down. The remedy process then - getting the car back in shape - is major and expensive. In some cases the only resort is a junk yard.
A smart car owner makes sure the car never breaks down. Proper maintenance, proper handling, getting good quality parts and having them installed properly - and the car will run, like new, for many years.
I call it 'relationship coaching'.
The thing is no one thinks they need it. Especially in the beginning, when the relationship is happy, and solid and working out well. Imagine, right after the wedding, someone goes to the young couple and tells them to seek 'relationship coaching'. That couple will consider that person crazy - at best. It may even sound stupid and very pessimistic.
But, as I described in my last post, the changes occur slowly. Unnoticed. The couple does not even know what they must watch for. Until, at a certain point, relationship coaching can no longer be effective. It is time, then, for the 'tow truck'...
So, what is relationship coaching?
Coaching is needed for a reason. Someone outside the 'system' has a better look of the system. Someone outside the system can see the qualities and the flaws of the system better then the people involved. This is the reason why companies hire business consultants, doctors get checked by other doctors and therapists seek the help of a therapist.
Relationship coaching is about working with the couple, on a regular basis, to make sure the happiness, the excitement, the mutual respect and the passion don't go away.
It is not like marriage counseling. There is no pain, no hard feelings, no crisis. Relationship coaching is there to make sure we are aware of changes we go through, to make sure we continue appreciating the amazing qualities of each other, to build, within the couple, the positive need for each other and the appreciation for what they find in the relationship.
It does not and should not be intensive, frequent or expensive.
Relationship coaching is with a smile, for the smile and while love is blossoming. No need for an expensive therapist. It is not clinical. It could be a life coach, a friend or a relative. Someone the couple trusts. Someone who understands the idea of relationship coaching.
Someone that will help you keep that smile on your face for many years to come.
We are very careful servicing our cars on a regular basis. We pay a landscaper to come and mow our lawn on a regular basis.
Shouldn't our relationship be - at least - as important as servicing our car or mowing our front lawn?